Roxas, that's a stick
by Captain Isa Von Pickles
Summary: When Zexion's books are destroyed, Axel's hair is messed up, and Marly has cat ears in his pocket, hilarity ensues. Crack!fic based off a RP, and rated T for language and violence. Random title that has nothing to do with the plot. XD No pairings.


Head_death_eater (board leader) - Axel

paper_heartsxx - Larxene

kellyannly - Roxas

hugomatio - Marluxia

liliumsong (me) - Zexion

Dajman97 - Vexen and Xigbar

And our awesome devoted lurkers! :D

valkyrie333 phantomhive butler tiemyshoe280

Author Note: This Crack-Fic is based off of a Role Play I did with a few people on Neopets. We found it so hilarious that I offered to make it into a story, so here we are! Aku-kun, would you like to do the disclaimer?  
Axel: Eh, why not? Captain- gah... do I REALLY have to say it?  
Me: Yes, or I will send Zexion and Vexen after you again! *evil grin*  
Axel: O_O *gulp* C-Captain Isa Von Pickles *twitch* does not own Kingdom Hearts, Organization XIII, nor any of the characters associated with it. They belong to Disney and Square Enix. She only owns her own insane mind, and the parts of the roleplay that she did. The rest of them belongs to their respective users, that are mentioned above. Got it memorized?  
Me: Gooood Axel... and no duh, if I owned Kingdom Hearts Organization XIII would be alive, Kairi would have jumped off of that sand pitch at the end of KH1, and yaoi would RULE ALLLLL! *laughs maniacally, and then chokes on her own spit* Ahem... anyway, on to the mindless crack! :D

Axel woke up slowly. Ugh, mornings... He sat up and sighed. Another day of work. Joy. He put his coat on over a red t-shirt and black shorts and did his hair. He finished his bottle of hair gel for the third time that week. Oh, well. He'd buy more in Twilight Town. He put on his boots and gloves and walked into the hallway. His footsteps echoed, which hurt his morning headache. He walked up the stairs to get to the Grey Room. When he got there, he threw himself on the usual couch and put his arm over his eyes. He took up all the room on the white couch, his feet and head propped up in the middle of the armrests. He groaned, "Ugh, I hate mornings." and sighed throgh his nose. He wondered what he'd have to do today, decided he'd find out later, and tried to take a nap (though he knew it was useless-pretty soon half the Organization would be in here and conversing). He pretty soon gave the usual illusion that he was asleep, though he wasn't, as much as he wanted to be. He waited for Saix to enter the room, so he could get the mission over with. On the other side of the room, partially hidden by the shadows, Zexion lifted his eyes from the book in his hands as Axel flopped down on one of the couches in the Grey Room and pretended to be asleep, yet decided not to comment. Instead, he turned back to his copy of Wuthering Heights, and remained in his seat in the shadows. He had hoped to have a bit longer to sit in peace, but it couldn't be helped. He just tuned out the soundsand sights around him, in favor of the tragic story of false love and grief in his hands. Losing himself in the dreary moors of old-time England, Zexion soon found himself immersed in the story, and heaven help the person to interrupt his reading now...

~o~

Another boring day in this boring castle. The blond hated it more than anything. With being the the only mature female, and not being able to go near Demyx when he has his water-playing mood, or else she'd being wearing soot. The only thing that kept her from residing in Hollow Bastion was Marluxia, who gave her some joy. She slipped her coat on, zippering it up and fixing her hair so it stood like usual, she headed down to the Grey Area, which wasn't that far from her room. She scoffed as she caught sight of Axel, walking by and smacking his forehead, with a aggravated; "Get up, ya lazy bum." Her heels clicked on the stone floor as she headed over to the usual place she sat, crossing her arms and legs. She hated mornings. She hated work altogether. But she couldn't leave. Not yet. Marluxia suddenly appeared in the corner of the gray room in a tangle of black and blue briers and a shower of rose petals before he ran a hand through his long pink hair. He walked forward slightly and stood before Axel, "Tsk, tsk Axel, dosing on the job? Such a pity," he chimed as he brushed glowing rose petals from his shoulder before crossing his arms, "What would Roxas say if he knew his hero had fallen asleep on the Gray Area couch from an inability to keep up with his work." He then scoffed and shifted on his feet, he didn't like just standing there, waiting for Saix to arrive, no, it wasn't his style. Pink hair, rose petals, beauty, that was his style. That and keeping away from Larxene who seemed bent on following him around the castle on random days.

~o~

If there was one thing Roxas hated more than surprises, it was monkeys.

Monkeys monkeys monkeys monkeys MONKEYS.

The blond boy growled as he mashed the buttons on his controller, the cheap plastic almost ready to break in his hands. He was sick and tired of those stupid animals, and if -

Dagnabbit.

Squeaks of disappointment erupted from the television set in front of him. Sometime around the second week of Roxas' residency in the castle, Demyx (though at the time Roxas still only knew him as the weird one with a mullet) had shown up at the newbie's door, a Gamecube and several titles tucked under his arm. When questioned, he simply offered tidbits like "the castle is boring" and "don't like, little kids like video games?" and "Luxord says that if he hears any beeping in the middle of the night one more time he'll throw it out the window." Roxas had been surprised at IX's seeming generosity and a little suspicious at first, but the gift had turned out to be a good one...  
Until he had started on Super Monkey Ball.  
After losing the melee game for the fourth time in a row, Roxas decided he was done with the game professionally. He threw the controller in a corner of his room and stormed out the door, not even bothering to turn off the console or the TV on his way out.  
Hey, he wasn't the one paying the electric bill.

It was only once Roxas had already gone halfway down the hallway that he realized he had no clue where he was going. Kitchen? There were weird things growing in the fridge. Outside? Marluxia's plants would eat him in a second if given the chance. Basement? Noooooo way. After a minute's consideration, Roxas figured he might as well head to the Grey Area. Hopefully there wouldn't be too many irritating people there. And maybe he would run into Axel. Roxas wasn't quite sure what to think of the redhead just yet, but he didn't seem like he wanted to kxll him or anything yet and his hair was pretty sweet and sometimes after training he'd hand him an ice cream as a reward of a job well done, so Roxas figured he was his best bet on socializing around here without getting a weapon to the face.

...hopefully.

~o~

Axel grunted, "Go away. All of you." before rolling over and sighing through his nose again. He knew that turning his back to any of those phychopaths was a horrible idea, but didn't really care. He looked like a red porcupine dragging a black coat in its mouth, what with the hair and all. He didn't care. He just wanted to relax for two seconds without getting hit or scolded. Was that too much? Axel sighed again, but figured the jig was up. Kingdom Hearts had better work, or someone was getting hurt. Okay, maybe more than one person. Okay, maybe more than hurt. Point is, they get Kingdom Hearts, he doesn't get a heart, everyone's gonna die. He hated this group, maybe with the exception of Roxas. One of the youngest members, but the only one besides him with any measure of intelligence.  
"Now, now Lavacakes, no need to blow steam," Marluxia said as he caused rose petals to swirl up from his palm, "after all, you are trying to be dormant." He chuckled lightly to himself before striding over to the window to look out at Kingdom Hearts, playing mind games, something he truly delighted in, much like Axel himself, but with Zexion's approach to intelligence.  
Axel felt a burning urge to cuss at someone, but decided against it, since he didn't want to go on another violent rampage. That's how it happened last time. He cussed, then... Well, poor Vexen. He wondred if he was still in the hospital. Honestly, if he'd wanted a hair, he could have given the scientest one from his hairbrush. No one touches his hair but him. No one. Zexion's eyebrow twitched as more people began gathering in the Grey Area, and he closed his book with an audible snap, before walking towards the door with swift steps, eager to get away from his co-workers and perhaps find some peace in the library until he was needed for a mission.

~o~

Before long, Roxas found himself standing outside the Grey Area door.

He was about to enter when a sudden feeling of dread overtook him. It felt as if... as soon as he entered the room, ridiculous things would happen. Ridiculous things that involved cat people and nine-year-old girls and things that had zebra stripes.

...nah.

He gulped and stepped inside

~o~

No sooner had Zexion moved to open the door, than it swung open and SMACK! Hit him right in the face, causing him to fall backwards, with his book flying off... into the fireplace.

(Liliumsong/me:  
OOC: Dunno if there's a fireplace in the game, but let's just say there is for the sake of the plot. :3)

"NO!" He cried, running over to it, but the book was already destroyed. And to make matters worse, there was blood running from his probably-broken nose, and dripping off his chin onto his coat. Fuming, Zexion slowly turned towards Roxas with murder in his eyes. "That was the ONLY copy of Wuthering Heights I had left." He said, scowling. "I've had it since I was Ienzo." Roxas raised his eyebrows. As much of a superior as Zexion was to him, Roxas was pretty sure he could take the dude in a fight. They were practically the same size, and Roxas hadn't even seen a hint of a weapon on Zexion's form.  
"Wuthering /who/?" the blond boy asked, not really caring one way or the other.

~o~

Demyx yawned as he sat up in his bed. Another day in the Organization XIII, he thought. Lazily stretching, he inched his way out off bed and threw on the trademark cloak, and, grabbed his sitar. 'I hope all the hard work's taken', he hoped anxiously as he made his way through the hallways. Stepping into the Grey Room, he found a spot on the white couch, and, began tuning his beloved sitar. He smiled as he did so, and, looked around at all the faces in the room. It was a full day, so, that meant all the hard work HAD to be taken... Right? Just as his sitar was perfectly in-tune, he got up, and, looked around for a friendly face to talk to. Luckily, Larxene wasn't here, as he looked around. Or, he hadn't seen her. He gulped nervously. Maybe he would luck out and see Xigbar.

Larxene scoffed. She hated everyone in that room. HATED them. She played with her nails, looking up occasionally at the rest of the nobodies. She shook her head. Idiots. All of them. She placed her hands down next to her, straightening up in the seat.

Demyx shuddered. Larxene WAS here. Gulping as his eyes grew wide with what appeared fright, he bolted back over to his safe haven on the couch. Dont make eye contact with me, he thought desperately. Please... just don't even look over...

Axel grunted for what felt like the thirteenth time in half an hour and sat up. "Hey Larxene, why don't you go stalk Marluxia or something?" he said. The Ultimate Revenge, if it worked. He looked over at Zexion and felt a horrid sence of Deja Vu. Whatever. Axel looked over at Demyx. He rolled his eyes. He wasn't even worth his torture. He didn't do anything... unless you count playing his guitar... banjo... thing. Whatever that thing was. He looked over at Roxas and waved, moving his feet. Demyx looked up, as Axel had glanced over at him. "Heya buddy!" He suddenly blurted out. He grinned sheepishly and waved. "Uh... Well... Wanna hang out? You, Roxas and me? it would be fun..."

~o~

Xigbar walked down the hall to the grey room, hoping he wouldn't have to deal with some dufus or one of the grumpier members of the organization, but unfortunately, there were. Zexion seemed to be ticked off at Roxas, probably over one of his stupid books. No point for those things. Demyx was also playing with his blasted Sitar. At least he was easy to pick on. Larxene was sitting on one of the seats of the room. Marluxia was lounging on one of the couches. Not like him, to lounge around like that. " Not much of a superior to sit around like that, you better hope Saix doesn't catch you." Xigbar chuckled. He took a glance to where Zexion and Roxas where, and Zexion seemed incredibly mad at him. Book nerd. that could get entertaining in a moment, so he kept a part of his sight on that.  
"Easy for you to say Xigbar," Marluxia said rising and walking very deliberately behind Xigbar, "Remind me again how someone as superior as you lost his eye? Did you pet bunny rabbit claw it out because you wouldn't feed it carrots?" He smirked wide and then reached deep within his robe to remove a pair of zebra striped cat ears, which he placed atop his pink locks. "Poor guy," he muttered.

Xigbar scoffed at Marluxia's words. He put his hand over eyepatch and growled at no specific target. "I hate it when he talks about that." He took his hand off of his eyepatch and returned his attention to Zexion, who was still freaking out over hi book. He snickered at his. He overreacts over any thing that happens to his books.

Zexion's eye twitched, and his fingers flexed as he tried to resist wrapping them around Roxas' throat. "Number XIII, I highly suggest you cease to speak to me in that way again, especially after something like this..." He could see the challenge in Roxas' eyes, and he smirked. "I may not look it, but I could turn you into a book and throw YOU into the fire with just a snap of my fingers, if I wished it... remember that, and go burn in the Underworld." Zexion said, and walked past Roxas and out of the room without another glance.

Axel jumped up and rushed after Zexion. He pinned him against the wall by his neck with his hand. Looking at his with an expression that could kill, he said, "You touch Roxas, You'll be the one burning. Got it memorized?" he said, dead serious and very angry. He let him go and walked back into the room.

Zexion glared at Axel as he stormed away, before reaching up to rub his throat. "This day is just getting better and better..." He growled, walking through a portal to the lower level of the castle, and towards Vexen's lab.

~o~

What. The. Heck.

Roxas glanced at the remains of what was a book in the fireplace. Him... in there? By Zexion? ... No way. Shrugging to himself, Roxas crossed the room and plopped himself down on the couch next to Axel. "What's up with... uh, VI?"

It was entertaining watching a bookworm almost tear out his hair of over a stupid book. if only Xigbar had popcorn and a soda, then his entertainment experience would be complete. The only reason Xigbar didn't try to get rid of these people is because how funny they reacted to the littlest things. What's next, is the new brat Xion gonna have a temper tantrum of some sort?

Axel looked over at Roxas. "Eh, Zexion's got issues." he said, sitting down. "Shorty's the biggest book nerd I've ever seen." Axel was not happy, but... whatever. He sighed. "So, what's up?" he asked Roxas.  
Roxas slouched into the couch, his head resting on the back to stare at the ceiling. "...I don't even know what Wondering Fights /is/," he finally said, a crease forming between his brows. Axel shrugged. "Probably some book that he's obsessed with. Trust me, though, he won't bother you, probably." he said. If he's as intelligent as he acts...

Marluxia turned away from Xigbar and walked towards Roxas, "Hello XIII, I don't think we've been properly introduced, I'm Marluxia, the Graceful Assassin," he then glanced over at Axel and smirked, "Got it memorized?" He then fought hard to suppress a bout of laughter that threatened to bowl him over.

Axel flicked Marluxa in the forehead. "Shut up, kitty." he said, referring to the cat ears. "That's my thing. Got it memorized?" he said.  
"Oh, I've got it memorized, purrrrrfectly," he mocked as he ran a hand across the spot where Axel flicked, half expecting it to burst into flames. He then straightened up and looked at Roxas, as for the book, he's got twelve more copies in his closet, that was just the one he got signed by J.K. Rowling."

Roxas frowned at the pink-haired girly man with cat ears standing before him. So this was the infamous Marluxia he had heard about. He had only heard the name once or twice before; most of the other members referred to him by less pleasant names like "oh no, not him" and " that gxddxmn gardener" and "oh crxp, here he comes.  
"Axel, why is this dude copying you?" Roxas asked his couch buddy.  
Axel shrugged. "Dunno. He's a freak like that. Pssh, I dunno why Xemnas included the Genderless Wonder in the first place." he said at normal volume, so everyone in the room could hear, but he didn't care.  
"Diversity," Marluxia said rather matter-of-factually, "after all, one woman is not enough." He snickered to himself, if there was anything he enjoyed more than flowers it was playing mind games, he really loved to freak people out just to see their reactions or even just blatantly insult them. "Besides, J.k. Rowling had other engagements, so they got the next best thing, her stalker." Roxas frowned. "Wait... J.K. Rowling wrote a book about fights?" Somehow this conversation wasn't making sense three sentences in. He scratched absentmindedly at the back of his head.

(Meanwhile, many many many miles away, in another universe and on a strange world known as earth, a brown-haired girl sitting in front of a laptop is pulling her hair out screaming, "IT'S BY EMILY BRONTE, YOU DAISY-HEADED JACKASS! GET YOUR BOOKS STRAIGHT, MARLY!")

Why was the pink dude still talking? Roxas decided he had had enough of this conversation. No wondering no one referred to Marluxia by his actual name. "Cool story, bro," the boy simply said, before closing his eyes and leaning his head back again on the back of the couch.

~Meanwhile, on the lower levels of the castle... *trippy scene-changing side-effects*~

Zexion walked into Vexen's lab, and closed the door behind him. Sighing again as he reached up and tenderly touched his nose, wincing as he did so. Yep, definately broken. "Vexen, are you here?" He called quietly, knowing the Chilly Academic would hear if he was in the room. Vexen was experimenting with some little insects and how they reacted to a new mixture he had made. He heard someone walk in, but he still concentrated on his little experiment. "Who is it, and what do you want?" He asked whoever walked in.  
"There you are." Zexion said, walking over to him. "My nose is broken. Do you have any spare Potions with you?" Vexen got up from a chair he was sitting on, and took off some goggles he had on. He didn't know what the mixture would do yet, so he tried it out on some bugs. "Why, yes i do Zexion. What happened this time? Please don't tell me that Xigbar hit you in the face with one of your books again..." That time Xigbar was lucky, he even knew that he was treading on thin ice when Xigbar hit him. "You know that copy of Wuthering Heghts that my... my mother gave to me, back when I was Ienzo?" Zexion asked, and continued after Vexen nodded. "I was walking from the Grey Room when the new member Roxas swung the door open. It hit me in the face, broke my nose, and... the book fell into the fireplace. Number XIII then proceeded to speak rudely to me, and I threatened him. It was a threat that at the time I would have happily carried out, but I have no intention of getting turned into a Dusk by Xemnas. Axel took it the wrong way and pinned me to the wall, showing me he was serious as he told me that if I touched XIII, I would be the one burning..." Zexion shook his head. Vexen gasped. "I wonder if Roxas might actually be a Heartless... Well, i'll do some experiments on him to if he is one later, but now i must get you a potion for that nose of yours." He walked away from Zexion and rummaged through the many shelves of potions he had. "Let's see... Ether... Elixir... Ah, here we go!" He grabbed a green bottle from one of the shelves, and gave it to Zexion. "Thank you, IV." Zexion said gratefully, and downed the whole thing in one gulp, grimacing at the taste. After a few moments, the dull throbbing pain in his nose faded, as well as the pain on his throat from where Axel had grabbed him. Setting the empty bottle down on one of the many counters, Zexion sighed for possibly the millionth time that day. "I... suppose I'll just have to find a new copy of Wuthering Heights." He said. He knew for a fact tht Nobodies could not feel, but he still couldn't help the dull pain that resided where his heart had once been, as he thought of the book... the book his mother had given him the day before she and Ienzo's father were killed, and Ienzo was put into Even's care. He shook his head, shaking away the "feelings". "It must be a terrible loss to lose something from before you became a nobody... I'll see if i can do something about Roxas without Xemnas or anyone else catching me." (OOC: You're in trouble, Roxy xD) He patted Zexion on the back in sympathy. Losing something such as that... It's simply heart breaking. If they had hearts, that is.  
"Thank you Vexen, but I don't think it needs to be taken quite that far. it was an accident, and while his response was rather inappropriate (GAH! I can't spell today...), it isn't worth the risk." Zexion said, and shook hsi head again. "And besides, it was only a book. Nothing more." He knew he was lying through his teeth by this point, despite his efforts to tell himself otherwise.

~On the upper levels...

Axel was enjoying this. "Do I have to burn your garden again, Pinky?" he asked, sounding exasperated, but really enjoying this.  
"And that is why, I hate children," Marluxia muttered under his breath before stalking over to the window and staring out at his gardens, "Oh the lilacs are in bloo... never mind the iris' just ate them, well they were beautiful while they lasted." He then turned back to the room, what a "lovely" group of people, "I could try to make Axel get a little hot under his collar," he laughed to himself. Axel smiled and snapped, and the garden burst into glorious flames. "There. Now it's beautiful." he said, smiling visiously.  
"Oh quite beautiful," Marluxia smiled as he walked towards Axel, "So my darling Lavacakes, you like flowers do you?" With a snap of his fingers a blizzard of rose petals tumbled from the sky above Axel, "OH! Don't you look just adorable, be careful not asplode." Axel stood up and snapped, and the petals turned to ashes. "My turn." he said, and proceeded to light Marluxia's hair on fire. "Love the hair. Fire looks much better on you." he said laughing.

Did the room suddenly start to smell like... roses?  
Though he was curious about the scent, Roxas kept his eyes tightly shut. Whatever was happening right next to him (judging by Axel and Pinky's angry voices in his ear), he didn't want any part of it.  
Huh. Now it smelled like burning. Roxas started humming to himself to pass the time

"Oh, does it?," Marluckia said as he patted his hair out, "I think I'll take a slice of the true fun," he said as his scythe appeared in his hands, "I suggest that you cut it out!" He then swung his scythe and lopped off the top spikes of Axel's hair. "That's for ruining my kitty ears," he pouted as he removed the blackened wire frame from his head and threw it on the ground.

(Head_death_eater:  
~ ooc:/ I love how in one room, Zexion's thinking about his deceased parents whithe in the other room, Axel's lighting Marluxia's hair on fire. XD ~)

The very audible /whoosh/ of what sounded uncannily like a very sharp edge cutting through the air flew over Roxas' face.  
Oh man.  
The blond cracked one eye open, hoping whatever he saw wouldn't be his last view on this world.

(Dajman97:  
OOC: So.. Many.. Puns...  
Vexen: What does the pun counter say about the number of puns?  
Xigbar: It's OVER 9000!  
OOC: I felt I just had to do that xD)

Axel's arms were engulfed in flames, along with half the room, as he walked forward. "You did NOT just do that. NO ONE TOUCHES MY HAIR BUT ME!" he shouted, summoning his chakrams. The flames grew a foot higher-they were three inches from the ceiling. Axel tossed his chakrams at Marluxia's face, not even caring about Xemnas, aiming to kill.

Fire fire fire fire fire. While Roxas had been humming to himself someone had gone and picked up his couch and moved it from the Castle That Never Was to some horrible flame world, and three days from now he was going to dxe of thirst... or he could just watch Axel chuck a spinning wheel of doom at Marluxia's face.  
Roxas sat up, now thoroughly interested in the scene before him.

Marluxia ducked fast as the chakram flew above his head, he then rose and raced off through the still open door and off down the hall. As he ran away he withdrew another set of kitty ears, this time purple with pink polka dots, from his robes and placed them on his head, "Meow, meow, meow, meow," he whimpered to himself as he rounded a corner into a wall. Stupid Xemnas, walls do not make good doors, and they never will. Staggering to his feet, he sprinted off towards the kitchen with a slight limp. WAIT! Kitchen? There were sharp things there, like knives, and pizza cutters, and spoons! Turning in a different direction quickly he raced off towards the library.

Xigbar laughed at the two squabble. "Yeah, like losing my eye is stupid, you're about to get your face completely burnt, Pinky." He laughed at the last part of his sentence, quoting Axel. Marluxia seemed to quote something from a Friskies commercial... He decided to run after him, seeing that Pinky was a big source of entertainment for Xigbar.

(Liliumsong/me:  
OOC: I want chicken, I want liver, I want tuna, please deliver! Meow mix, meow mix, meow meow meow meow!)

Axel chased after him, flames following (the Grey Room was now the Black Room). "YOU WILL DIE BY MY HAND!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, slowly turning the shining black walls into sooty black boards. He chucked the chakram at Marluxia again, a path was being created where he had ran. His hair... Not his hair... His wonderful red hair... Marluxia raced inside the library and slammed the door shut, "THUNK!," thank goodness it was stuck in the door. And then the door went up in flames. Terror filling his eyes Marluxia ran up the stairs and through another door into a long expanse of randomly slanted chairs, "this is just plain random, who designed this place, Pee-Wee Herman?" He then raced off towards the far end.

~Once again, on the lower levels...

Vexen heard a lot of racket from the Grey room. "I'll be right back. I think someone might be causing trouble." With that said, he ran upstairs to the Grey room. The place was completely charred, flower petals were every where, and Roxas was just sitting in the middle of it. "Please don't tell me you caused trouble..."

(Dajman97:  
OOC: Uh oh! xD)

Axel ripped the door off the hinges, tore the chakram out of the door, and ran up the stairs. Adrenaline kicked in, and he ran even faster through the rooms. "BURN KITTY BURN!" he shouted and threw both chakrams after Marluxia. ~

(Head_death_eater:  
~ ooc:/ I've got to say, this is the most interesting battle sequence I've ever had. ~)

"EEK!" Marluxia exclaimed as he flung himself behind a chair that slanted upward. The first chakram zipped right over his head, singing what little hair was left, and the second lodged deep inside the chair, a recliner thankfully, which burst into flame as Marluxia raced off through the door. He then entered a large ball room, painted pink and green and with a glorious chandelier. As he ran through it he realized that the floor was actually fluffy, neon green, shag carpet covered in pink polka-dots. "Yep Pee-Wee Herman," he muttered as he made his way through the next door and into a narrow, pure white hallway, "Weird?" He raced through it rapidly and into a large spiral staircase, "HOW DOES ALL THIS STUFF FIT INSIDE THE CASTLE?"

Zexion sighed. "These people are going to be the fading of me..." He groaned, following Vexen upstairs to the Grey Room, and freezing in the doorway. "What happened here?" Zexion asked, looking around at the charred room.

(Liliumsong:  
OOC: Get it? Death of me, fading of me? Yeah, bad joke...)

Zexion shook his head, before he froze up. He sniffed he air, tilting his head back, before his eyes widened. "Why do I smell burning parchment?" He asked, before it hit him. "THE LIBRARY!" He yelled, running off in the direction of the library.  
Vexen looked at Zexion as he ran away. "I'll take care of you later." He said to Roxas. He ran after Zexion, who seemed to be running to protect the library. Vexen couldn't blame him, because it would be like some destroying Vexen's research.

Roxas opened his mouth to protest (something like "what, do you really think /I/ made all these girly flower petals appear?" came to mind) but before he could speak, Vexen was chasing out the room after Zexion.  
...he should have just stuck with the monkeys. Roxas groaned as he pulled himself off the couch and begrudgingly shuffled to the library, where all the action seemed to be.

Axel dislodged the chakram from the chair and the wall, and raced after him, entering the ballroom. The pink and green paint began to chip as a the fire persued them. He got to the spiral staircase and made a ring of fire at the base and a wall of flame burning all the way to the top at the end of the staircase. "There. I've got you now!" he shouted, smiling evilly.

When Zexion reached what was left of the doors to the library, he ran inside, and if he had a heart it would have stopped beating at what he saw. Every. Single. Book...  
"Destroyed... they're all destroyed." He whispered, looking around at the ashen remains of his beloved books... The library had originally been his idea, and the hundreds of books that had once been in there had been collected by Zexion himself. Purchased with the little bit of munny that he had gotten through his missions, and now... they were all gone. "!" Zexion roared, summoning his Lexicon, and thinking of every hex and curse he knew as he stalked off, his eyes flaming with fury as he hunted down the unfortunate redhead.

(Head_death_eater:  
~ ooc:/ FOOD CHAIN! Zexion-Axel-Marluxia.  
Marly's on the bottom. ~)

Vexen finally caught up to Zexion, only to see him with look of despair of his face. There was only one thing that this could mean... The library was destroyed. Vexen actually looked upon, the Library, and exactly what Vexen guessed had happened. "Axel has gone too far this time. He destroyed the Grey room, and the Library." Vexen summoned his shield. "I'm going after them." "You're not the only one..." Zexion growled, his anger building up inside of him anew. "Axel is going to regret EVER joining the Organization... he's going to beg Xemnas to be turned into a Dusk when I find him." He was almost snarling by this point, and he opened his Lexion again, before striding off with Vexen to join in the wild goose-chase around the castle.

~Back to Axel and Marly...

"Not so fast, Vesuvius," Marluxia taunted as he raced off down a hall that randomly jointed into a landing on the stairs, "I won't go out like Pompeii , not yet!" He ran off, faster than a rocket powered cheetah, as he bolted into a large aquarium room, "O.k.?" As he raced through it he could already see the glass starting to crack from the heat of his pursuer. But onward he raced into a planetarium.

(Dajman97:  
OOC: Ooooh Ice Vs. Fire! This is gonna be interesting.)

Axel continued to chase after flower boy, cussing out the layout of the building. The auquarium cracked, and the water inside began to boil. "You won't go out like Pompeii- YOU'LL BURN LIKE KILAUEA!" he screamed, again tossing the flaming chakrams.

(Tiemyshoe280(?):  
Ooc: ...I bet on Ice. *goes back to lurking*)

(Liliumsong: I like the flamer and all, but Vexen and Zexy will always be at the top of my list!)

(Head_death_eater:  
~ ooc:/ Axel: Right. So the only one to vote for me is a phychotic 9-year-old who broke my nose. ~)

Saturn ended up with another ring as the chakram lodged inside of it and burnt it slowly, and the sun went up in a blaze. "These planets don't even exist in our world!" Marluxia screamed in an attempt to reach the maker of this house. Then he raced on through to a room where balls of yarn hung from the ceiling. Stopping to bat at one like a cat for a bit he soon realized the danger when the ball burst into flames and he raced off into the next room. CLOCKS! Clocks covered every single free space on the walls and ceiling of the room, "the nerve," he hissed at a cat shaped clock, who's eyes darted back and forth across the room, "Hopefully the next room will be filled with wardrobes!" He raced onward into a small room with six wardrobes covering the walls. He raced into the confides of one.

(Head_death_eater:  
~ ooc:/ D: The haterz! Nuuu! *huggles Axel* I vote for you, Axel... ~)

Vexen followed the path of flower petals and scorch marks to find where those two were. The path was very obvious, seeing as that Axel was very careless to destroy the library. He had reached a trail of fish and water when he reached the aquarium. They were still flopping around, so they were probably close.

Axel pursued the evil hair-cutter, again dislodging his chakram. Everything burned, everything. He got into the clock room and every clock in the room exploded, especially the cat and flower-shaped ones. He got into the wardrobe room and enveloped each one in a ring of fire. He walked over to each one, through the flames, and opened them up, one by one, looking for the pink-haired man.

Following the trail through many strange rooms -that Zexion didn't even want to know how the Kingdom Hearts they got there-, he and Vexen finally caught up to Axel, who was running into a room with several wardrobes inside.

Vexen finally saw Axel, the destroyer of most of the castle. Vexen dashed over to Axel and prepared to strike.

(Dajman97:  
OOC: Think fast!)

(Liliumsong: *talking to the readers* This one doesn't really make sense with the rest of it, because either it or the rest of the posts were late in coming. I didn't wanna delete it though, so I left it in.)

Well, fish beat monkeys.

Roxas admired the sheer amount of damage the two (but mostly Axel) had caused in such a short time. He was careful to sidestep the fish flopping pathetically on the ground as he followed their trail of burnt destruction.  
...maybe Lexaeus could make fish tacos for dinner.

As fire blazed around the room Marluxia slowly pushed his way back into the wardrobe, past the coats, the jackets, the cloaks, the catsuits? Taking one as he passe he suddenly tumbled out into a room where snow covered the floor, flowing from a snow-cone machine. "Hey it's Vexen's ," he said as he practically skated through the room to a large door, the sub-library.  
"REALLY? WHO NEEDS TWO LIBRARIES? I BET YOU EVEN BILL GATES DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ONE LIBRARY!" He then raced off again, where to now? He made his way through the door and into a large room filled with giant inflatables. "OH MY HEARTLESS!" He couldn't resist racing up the bouncy steps of a slide and race down the other side and straight out the door into a room filled with brightly colored butterflies.

Whoever Xemnas had hired to be the interior decorator of this place was on crack.  
After the aquarium, several charred planets, and a mysterious hanging ball of string (?) Roxas found himself in a room completely covered in clocks. The weirdest part? /Every single one/ of them was exactly in time with the others.  
Hearing the sounds of destruction up ahead, Roxas drew his Keyblade. Roxas crept up and peeked around the next doorway. Behind it was... a room full of snow? He caught a few flakes in his gloved hand; they melted almost instantly.  
Argh. He should probably find Axel before the guy got himself killed in here.

Axel was lost in the wardrobe. After he'd gotten over the annoyance of losing his prey, he realized the damage he'd done. "Whoa..." he muttered, the flames simmering down. "Um..." he didn't know what to say. This damage would cost millions to repair. He was totally screwed. Then he noticed Vexen and Zexion. He went through the rooms. The Grey room, the... the... The library.  
Crap.

Zexion growled, as he began approaching the redhead. "You destroyed the Grey Room... you threatened me... and worst of all, you destroyed the library! Do you even REALIZE, HOW LONG it took me to gather all of those books, and how hard I worked for them?" He asked, opening his Lexicon, the look in his eyes promising much pain.

Vexen's shield was poised for battle. It started to feel cold and frosty. There were even ice crystals starting to form on it. "Time to end this, Axel. You're path of destruction ends here and now. And when i'm done with you, i'll make sure Xemnas deals with what's left." Vexen said coldly.

(Dajman97:  
OOC: Bad pun xD)

(Liliumsong:  
OOC: Long live the puns! *holds up a glass of... I'm not quite sure just what I'm drinking right now, actually. O_o*)

While Marluxia was off on his little trip through crack-land, Zexion turned to face Vexen. "Wait a moment, Vexen. I have a much better idea on how to deal with this situation..." Zexion said, as an idea hit him. He grinned, a slightly evil glint in his eyes, as he slowly approached Axel. He searched through his Lexicon until he found what he was looking for, and then looked up at Axel.  
"You have one chance to fix this, Axel. Agree to do so, and you will work to replace EVERY SINGLE BOOK that was in the library, and a few extras for damages. You will put the Grey Room right, and you will never go within fifty feet of either Vexen's lab or the library again. But if you don't..." Zexion finished darkly, letting his sentence trail off as he tapped the pages of his Lexicon. "And you will very much regret it..."

(*not sure who said this...*:  
OOC: xD This is also the part where most of the interesting stuff happens.)

Vexen raised an eyebrow. "It must be good if it's better than both of us attacking at the same time..." He still kept his shield ready incase whatever Zexion was doing didn't work. He doubted this though, as he knew with Zexion's power and rage, he would be very powerful.

Okay. This was just getting ridiculous. Roxas was starting to get impatient; every time he entered a new room, the others seemed to be just leaving up ahead.  
After a moment's consideration, he raised his Keyblades above his head and aimed for the nearest wall.

Axel's eyes went wide. "But... but... MARLUXIA STATED THE FIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE! HE led me to the library, HE cut off my hair... HE should get a share of this, too!" Axel whined.

Marluxia was running out of steam and slowly he trudged on through the room and opened the door to the next room. A third library. "COME ON!," he yelled as he stumbled into the cavalcade of books which was most definitely larger then the first library, and most certainly less charred. "THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR!," he then dropped like a sack of cat food onto a pile of "Wuthering Heights".

"Ahh, that may be true, but you were the one who was controlling the flames..." Zexion said, his voice still in a quiet, soft tone. There was a small smile on his lips, but his eyes still flashed with anger.  
Vexen looked at the Lexicon. "Very interesting..." Vexen turned back to Axel. "You were the one who freaked out about your hair. ALL THIS DESTRUCTION FOR HAIR! I find it highly illogical!" He snapped at Axel.

Axel glared at Vexen. "Do we need a repeat of last week? I'm slightly glad you're finally out of the hospital." He said angrily to Vexen before turning to Zexion. "But... Ugh, fine." he muttered, not meeting his gaze.

..."RAAAAAAARRRGH!  
With a growl, Roxas attacked the wall with all his might, sending chunks of concrete and dust flying. He jumped through the massive hole he had just created, Keyblades drawn, a primal scream erupting from his lungs.  
...and leapt into an apparent fight between Vexen, Zexion, and Axel.  
"Oh. Um. Sorry for interrupting," Roxas said sheepishly.  
Axel pointed to the hole Roxas had just created. "I am NOT being held responsible for that." he said.

Zexion turned to Roxas, and gave him, "The Look."  
"XIII, you DO realize that there is a door three feet to your left, don't you?" He asked, pointing to the door that the blonde had only barely spared from his blow to the wall.  
Roxas rubbed the back of his head. "Uh... I didn't see it, I guess." He shrugged. Vexen looked at the wall that was just destroyed by Roxas. "Xemnas is going to be EXTREMELY angry at you two! Library destroyed, multiple other rooms singed, and wall damage! Why have you two gone on a destructive rampage? I don't care much of the damage Roxas did, but Axel..." He shook his head.

Suddenly Marluxia awoke and shook "Wuthering Heights Copies" all over the ground. Rising he turned to face a mirror randomly placed inside the library, "Great, now I've got the title of a crappy book scrawled all over my face," he said as he adjusted his cat ears and felt the indentions from the books. He then left the library to find the others, "O.k., was this place as crazy the first time?"

(Tiemyshoe280:  
Ooc: Roxas, that's a stick. A slapstick!  
Shift: What's a slap stick?  
Me: This! *slaps Shift with a stick*  
Sorry...shutting up now...)

"BUT ROXAS DID IT FOR NOTHING! H-ugh, never mind, I'll get to work..." Axel pouted, and went to the broom closet.  
Roxas frowned. "What do you mean, I did it for nothing? I was making sure you didn't get your xss kxlled, stupid!" He glared at the hole he had just come through, hoping Axel had to take forever to patch it back up.

Axel pulled out a mop, a broom, a scrubbing brush, a paint roller, and a bucket of white and grey paint. He walked up to the Grey Room and began scrubbing the ask off and repainting.

"Well, it seems I won't need to use that hex after all... it would have been amusing though, I must admit." Zexion mused, slightly dissappointed. "ZEXION! VEXEN!" Marly yelled as he entered the room, "Your alive, I'm alive, the butterflies are alive!"  
"And Zexion, I found two more libraries," he said as he reached the two, "Filled with books, cascades of books, mountains of books!" Raising an eyebrow, Zexion walked in the direction that Marluxia had just come from. "Well, what do you know?" Zexion asked, and then walked back to where Vexen and Roxas were. "Very well Axel, consider the books part of the deal void." He said, and Axel sighed with relief. "... But you're still going to clean up the old library." He finished, smirking as Axel's relieved look disappeared as quickly as it had come.

Axel, hearing the echo, sighed angrily. "!$$?hole!" he yelled back. ~

Zexion merely chuckled, and then turned to Vexen. "Well now, this has certainly been an interesting day, has it not? I believe I'm going to retire to the library for a while, and catch up on the reading I was kept from." He then walked into the new library, and, picking up one of the copies of Wuthering Heights, went through a portal to his room. Vexen sighed. "At least he's not as angry as he was before... Well, I must now return to my research. I hope those little bugs havn't gotten any powers..." He hastily summoned a Dark corridor to his lab, and ran inside.

Up in the Grey Room, Axel then got an idea. He went over to the phone and called a select group of people and teleported to his room. Laying on his bed and switching on the TV, he watched Predator, volume at max.  
And during all of this, Xigbar sat watching from the ceiling, eating a bucket of popcorn. "This stuff is better than cable..." He chuckled.

End Note:  
And there you have it! XD I tried to change as little as possible, but I did need to re-arrange the order of the posts like crazy, to make it into a suitable story-like format. This may very well become a one-shot series, based off of RP's done on Neopets by this same group, along with a few newbies every now and then.

Next Time: Cooking With the Organization!  
Will Luxord get the chance to cook with rum?  
Will Vexen ever eat with the rest of the Organization again?  
Will anyone be able to stomach Axel's food, before IT tries to eat THEM?

Review, and find out!  



End file.
